Even bishops have gotta have fun ...
The very first Autocephalous-Movement riddle:
Q: How many Old Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Change? CHANGE? What do you mean, CHANGE?
And now for the second one (thanks to Fr. Greg Blevins):
Q: Why did the autocephalous movement priest cross the road?
A: Because the bishop told him not to.
Q: Why do folks sometimes liken the autocephalous movement to a bowl of granola?
A: While usually spiritually nutritious, this movement sometimes just seems to be full of flakes, nuts and fruits.
Recently seen on the alt-katholiches mailing list ...
Date: Mon, 23 Apr 2001 20:25:21 -0000
From: Kvorn@nteu.org
Reply-To: alt-katholisches@yahoogroups.com
To: alt-katholisches@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [alt-katholisches] Report from the AMA
American Medicial Association Home Reference Book:
VAGANTEISM - Vaganteism is a serious medical condition, and it should not be treated lightly. Many would argue that it is a disease. It certainly is a compulsion, one that is treatable but not curable. Many of us have friends and loved ones who suffer in silence from this condition.
The most common symptoms of vaganteism are:
1. Illusions of grandeur, such as believing oneself to be a Patriarch or Metropolitan.
2. An overwhelming urge to renovate one's garage to resemble a
cathedral.
3. The complusion to photograph the renovated garage, and post the pictures on the Internet.
4. An insatiable desire to compose lengthy charts of spurious
episcopal succession, and post them on the Internet next to the
garage pics.
5. A tragic, debilitating urge to spend large sums of money on fabric for elaborate episcopal robes.
The We-Don't-Have-A-Monopoly Dept.
Check this link out. Doesn't it remind you of some of the folks in the autocephalous movement? And you thought we had a monopoly on such behaviour .... (grin)
Follow-up to the Report on Vaganteism.
A Prayer for those suffering Vaganteism (translated into an english dialect that is comforting and familiar - as the disease also affects auditory perception and cognative composition)
(Prayer by Bp. Alexis Tancibok. Submitted by Bp. John Plummer.)
Oh Lord in thy mercy, give unto thy servants, the metropolitains and archbishops of Sees unknown, thy mysterious and tender mercy. Expel from them the passions of the purple damask, and the demons of golden mitres. Save them Oh Lord from the afflictions of the spiritual world that labour in the name of the Evil One to draw thy servants ever further into the darkness of isolation, and ridicule.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, in thy tender mercy, (and blessedly good fashion sense) stamp out the demons of embroidery that force your humble children to suffer under the yoke of unscrupulous sub-continental fabric dealers. Crush underfoot the vile and passion-filled heads of the demons of pretentious bad taste and continual suffering.
Oh Son of God, who hath deigned to clothe thyself in the form of our miserable state, robe thy suffering and miserable servants in the garments of dignity and simplicity, that they might abandon the demons of useless titles, and Sees unknown, and ritual non-understandable. For it is Ye O Lord who demandeth not the sacrifices of the pocketbook, nor the offerings of precious carraige and box packaging storage space repainted and decorated with gold and finials, the graven images of cherubim, and rich brocaded curtains and cushions, but Ye desire only a simple, focused, and honest heart full of service, and well thought out theologising of thine most glorious presence.
O Most Blessed Holy Spirit, encircle thy Vaganteistic servants with the spiritual fire of purification, burn off from them the cataracts of clouded and rosy vision. Singe away from their bodies the multitude of layers of damask, brocade, embroidery, gold, and costume jewelry of every sort.
Blessed Michael, captain of all angels and unseen powers, defend thy servant with thy fiery sword of truth and knowledge, give unto him the space and the support to heal.
Oh holy Saints and Martyrs, In thy compassionate mercy look upon this, thy servant N. who struggles with the many demons and passions of Vaganteism. Intercede for him with God our Father in Heaven, that he might be given peace, and healing from above.
Oh God in Heaven, in thy most abundant mercy, cast into everlasting fire and condemnation those heretics who do not belong to our most holy see unknown.
We ask this through Christ Jesus, in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen
Department of Guaranteed Sacraments.
http://www.catholicanswer.org/sacrament/Petitioners_Statement.pdf
Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.
Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
Purgamentum init, exit purgamentum.
Credo nos in fluctu eodem esse.
Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem.
Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
Quomodo cogis comas tuas sic videri?
Feles mala! Cur cista non uteris? Stramentum novum in ea posui.
Romani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt.
(At a barbeque)
Neutiquam erro.
Hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero?
Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.
Even bishops have gotta have fun ... Part II
I'm not making this up! Click below and search for "Guarantee" or clause "VI".
Useful (non-Eccleiastical) Latin Phrases, cited by Bp. Tau Nemesius:
It's not the heat, it's the humidity.
God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!
Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?
Garbage in, garbage out.
I think we're on the same wavelength.
The designated hitter rule has got to go.
I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.
In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags.
If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult.
How do you get your hair to do that?
Bad kitty! Why don't you use the cat box? I put new litter in it.
You know, the Romans invented the art of love.
Animadvertistine, ubicumque stes, fumum recta in faciem ferri?
Ever noticed how wherever you stand, the smoke goes right into your face?
I am not lost.
Do I drink this or stick my fingers in it?
Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out.
Dept. of Appalling Apostasies.
Frankly Unfriendly Catholics, "upholding the one true apostolic anglo-catholic faith. On this site you can learn about the appalling apostasies we oppose and those we affirm."
Even bishops have gotta have fun ... Part III 
